As coaches, we often here comments like the ones below in our consultations:
“Just tell me what to do – I will do it”
“I need a strict plan to follow”
“I need someone to kick my butt”
“This is how I am…”
“This is what works for me…”
The first 3 are examples of avoiding accountability and taking the responsibility for your actions; the last 2 are examples of you avoiding to face the brutal facts: you are not ready to change. Let me break down each of these comments from a coach’s perspective, helping to understand yourself better in the process.
“Just tell me what to do – I will do it!”
There is a fundamental difference between what I, the coach believes is good for you on an absolute level; and what you, the client is ready to commit to. Any idea that comes from your coach without an upfront conversation of why/how/what is doomed. We prefer you telling us what you are ready to do, so we can build you a progressive plan right form there.
“I need a strict plan to follow.”
It is easy to create a plan that is not only strict but also restrictive – you can do it for yourself. The question is: are you really not following that plan because of a lack of willpower, or because the plan itself makes no sense? A coach who cares about your success will not create a “strict plan” – they will have a conversation with you and create a plan based on your willingness and readiness to work; a plan that’s a tiny bit of a stretch but achievable. The goal of planning is to provide a balance between support and challenge. No one needs a strict plan – you need a plan that you can follow and comply with.
“I need someone to kick my butt.”
You are an adult, just like us. No one wants to kick your butt, and you would likely not be happy about getting your butt kicked. Meaningful change means taking responsibility for your actions – and that starts with you working with intention. Do things because they are good for you; don’t do things because of a threat for non-compliance.
“This is how I am…”
“This is what works for me…”
These two fall into the same bucket – so ask yourself the honest question: what are you doing with a coach if you already know how you are and what works for you? What are your expectations? Are they reasonable? If you already know how you are and what’s working for you, it implies you are ready to go and do your stuff. However, if you simply fear change and wish to avoid effort to achieve greater things, that’s a whole different deal. So, what about imagining that you can be different, and maybe the things you believe are working for you can be done much better? Coaching is about guidance, and it requires an honest conversation: “This is how I feel today, but I wish to change for the better.”
For a coach, the goal is for you to succeed – don’t stop the process right at the start. It’s not easy, but your coach is not a drill sergeant or an anxious manager – we provide guidance in a process that only works if you allow us to understand you and your aspirations on a deeper level.
